perspective

I often find it's easy to slip into a pity party about all the loss and grief I'm going through.  Even more so when I think about Milena and that she has to experience this at such a young age.  Saying things to myself about how she shouldn't have to deal with this and so on.  Other people say and think it too.  It seems to be somewhat cultural.  I've bumped into this before, in the sense that we expect babies to live and people respond the news of a baby's death with more sadness and dismay than say, someone who was 95 years old.  
It has always kind of rubbed me the wrong way.  I mean, we all know life is uncertain and not really in our control.  I don't think Elianna's death is any more tragic than my Opa's was or my brother's was.  It's all loss and sadness.  It's also hope.  These people whom I love are now with God.  That's a pretty good place to be.  Yes, I'm sad, and grieving and feel the loss of their presence here on earth, for sure.  In many ways the sadness feels the same.  The day to day effects of that person being missing from my life is different.

Today, a different thought or perspective flitted through my brain.  I'm honoured with the special task of helping Milena develop a framework about death in her most formative years.  How cool is that?  She as she grows up will have a comfort level talking about death that not everyone has.  She will be equipped with the best kind of empathy to walk with others in their own losses. Amazing.

We had a visit to Elianna's grave the other day.  Milena wanted to bring some of her toys to give Elianna.  It was sweet to think that she cares about her sister and wants to show it in this way.  We opted to pick dandelions and give those instead.  Milena had concerns about giving her food, so we talked about how Elianna's body doesn't need food anymore.  She asked about Elianna coming back, so I explained that.  The caretaker was there doing to weed whacking, and Milena was very concerned that he would unbury Elianna, so I assured her, that no one would do that.  We talked about how we missed Elianna, we watched logs float down the river.  It was good to just be and let the conversation flow.  

I sometimes wonder if I will answer all these questions right, or in a way that she can understand without forming crazy ideas (like I did as a child), but I'm realizing that I don't have to.  I just need to be there so we can keep talking about it.  I'm so glad the cemetery is on the way to the park, it forces us to keep the conversation open.